The Permanence of Love
by McSteamy is McMine
Summary: Mother and son bond. Will Jake learn the truth. Why is he so different? Will he find the one woman to love him for who he is even if he doesn't know exactly who he is? BELLA/EDWARD -BELLA/JAKE -NESSIE/JAKE
1. Prologue

I know that I have so many unfinished stories but I had to write this. it's different. I hope You enjoy. Eventually Jake and Nessie. Rated M for the future. Please let me know what you think and if I should attempt to continue.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight. If I did There would be a lot of naked Jake :J

The Permanence of Love

_**Prologue**_

"May I have this dance?" the deep voice startled Bella as the tall dark-haired man smoothly slipped her champagne glass out of her left hand and he took her right lifting her up out of her seat. He looked incredibly handsome in his all black suit. His chocolate brown eyes sparkled as he drew her closer into his chest, and his dimples were so deep she couldn't stop herself from taking her index finger and poking him lightly in the indentation in his face like she had done when he was a child. She loved the way her milky porcelain skin contrasted against his soft caramel completion. He smirked. "Mom." he whined. She smiled and placed her head on his chest as he lead them around the dance floor. She sighed contently as she remembered that cold January day her son Jacob had been born and now here she was dancing with him on his wedding day. _Mother of the groom_. He had always been the greatest joy in her life and she always knew the day would come when he would leave but she couldn't help but feel like it had come to soon. They had been through so much together but they're love for each other never faltered. She had done her best with what she had been given, she had made choices that she didn't want to make and she tried to give him the life he deserved and he loved her for it. When everyone else had turned against her when she needed them the most there Jacob was every single time he had been her reason to continue. He didn't look anything like her. He had long silky raven colored hair, caramel colored skin and deep dimples. He did however have her brown eyes though. She sighed sadly as their dance came to an end but he held onto his mother even after the song had ended. He knew what she was thinking and he wanted to comfort her. "You're not going to be alone." he chuckled in her ear before she pulled away to look up at him. She smiled. "I know." she paused "I just- you're my favorite son." she joked. Bella smiled as she placed a kiss on Jacob's cheek. "Go be with your new bride I will be fine." she assured as she smoothed out the silky fabric of her dress. She took in a deep breath as she let go of his hand. "Someone's waiting for you." He smiled as he turned his mother around in the direction of her table where a tall slinky porcelain skin man with coppery hair sat. Bella smiled up at her son and then she walked back to her seat and she sat down next to him. "You look beautiful Isabella." the man smiled as he breathed in her sweet sent of vanilla. She smiled as she leaned into his arm. "Thank you Edward." She replied looking around the reception hall. It was filled with her new daughter's family members, she couldn't help but be saddened that she was the only family Jacob had, her eyes made their way over to her son and her new daughter in law Reneseme . A smile formed on her face as Reneseme waved her over to where she, Jacob and her parents stood. When Bella finally appeared in front of them both Reneseme and Jacob enveloped her in a hug each whispering how much they loved her. She couldn't be happier that her son had found such a lovely young woman and she realized her son was right. She wouldn't be alone it was the beginning of a new family. The family Jacob had never had that she always wanted him to have. She finally felt a sense of security and everything at that moment, all the heartache, the fight to keep her child, the blood, the tears it was all worth it just to see that smile on his face and that glow in his eyes.


	2. Without a face

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight. If I did there would be a lot of Jacob nakedness

All mistakes are mine! I am sorry, I try my best to catch them.

Inspiration struck me! Rated M. Before you read WARNING **Rape** is mentioned (nothing to graphic, just simple details)

**The Permanence of Love**

_**Chapter One: Without a face**_

Bella smiled widely as her fiancé James made his way into their bedroom with a breakfast tray. He sat it across her lap and kissed her on her forehead before greeting her good morning. She giggled as his lips touched hers. She cupped his face in her hands and she looked at him. He was so handsome. He had the deepest blue eyes and she loved his sandy blond hair and how it fell into soft curls. She was glad he had shaved that morning and she knew he had done it because she had been complaining about the shag covering his face. She kissed him one last time before pulling away. "What's all this for?" She asked popping a piece of bacon into her mouth. "Well..." he began. Bella sighed exasperatedly already knowing something was up and that she wasn't going to like it. "What is it?" she inquired. "Spit it out."

James sighed deeply. "I have to go out of town this weekend." He cringed when he finally told her after a long silence. "I have to go to Delaware." Bella sighed deeply as she climbed out of the bed and walked over to her vanity. She began brushing her straight brown hair furiously. "I'm only ovulating for two more days." she said with her voice breaking and barely audible. James' dropped his shoulders as made his way over to her. He rested his hands on her shoulders to calm her down. "I know." he said. "I'm sorry, this is out of my hands." Bella turned to face him as the tears threatened to fall from her eyes. James kissed under her eye where the first tear fell and then he kissed her cheek, and then her lips. He knew how much she wanted a baby, he knew how hard they had been trying. "Let's not waste the morning then." he teased. Although upset Bella couldn't stop the smile that formed on her face as he kissed her all over and went to work on her body. She lifted her arms granting him permission to remove her thin cotton t-shirt. He picked her up and carried her back to their bed and he laid her down gently. His body sung with delight when her warm body met his and together their bodies did a slow dance. He kissed her collar bone and down her chest, to her stomach until he reached the hem of her light blue cotton panties. _His favorite color. _She half giggled, half moaned as his light kisses ghosted over her skin. He paused his motions when he lifted his head to peek at her, a rosy blush began to cover her body as he crawled up her body and palmed one of her soft supple breast. He began to knead it slowly taking the other in his mouth and Bella moaned in satisfaction as he took her pert nipple between his teeth and bit down teasingly. He moved to the other breast and her moans became louder. James slowly moved his free hand down her body until he found the hem of her panties again. He moved his hand down a little lower so he could cup her hot, waiting core. Bella shivered under his touch. "Please…" she begged. "I want you inside of me now." she told him with her voice trembling. James smiled against her skin as he lift himself off of her and tortuously slid her wet panties down her silky legs. When the deed was done he couldn't help but admire the porcelain beauty that withered beneath him with want. Bella tenderly took the back of his head and bought him down over her and he covered her like a velvet blanket. His body was tall, lean, and muscled. She reached behind him to trail her fingertips over the smooth skin of his shoulders as her toes hooked into the sides of his boxer shorts and she began to shimmy them down his legs. He shifted to bring his arousal to rest between the softness of her thighs. They both moaned as he entered her slowly, softly, enticingly. They began a slow pace and Bella kissed the flanks of his shoulders as she felt the desire in her stomach grow with her quickened heartbeat. "Fuck! Bella!" James breathed out heavily with his climax teetering on the edge. Bella moaned out loud as she began to feel her own waves of pleasure hit her like a current pulling her out to sea. Her thighs trembled when James' soft lips found her neck after she rode out her orgasm. James' smiled against her neck as he took a satisfying breath. "I think we just made a baby." he told her as he looked into her eyes. He slid out of her and bought her into his arms to hold her. Bella smiled to herself and prayed he was right. She would be hopeful. She nodded. "I Hope you're right." They smiled at each other and sat in a peaceful oblivion letting their minds drift to what the future may hold for them after today.

* * *

Bella rushed down the hallway to her office. She was late for her first appointment of the day. "Good morning Miss. Swan." Bella's secretary Angela greeted. She smiled. "Good morning!" she replied. "Is Harry Clearwater in yet?" she asked as Angela handed her, her messages from the morning. "Yes, he just walked in, he's waiting for you." Bella nodded and said thank you before she made her way into her office. Harry turned to look as Bella made her way into the office. "I'm so sorry that I am late. I ran a little behind this morning." Bella apologized smiling, fondly remembering her morning. Harry smiled sincerely. "Don't worry about it, it's fine, I haven't been waiting long at all." Bella chuckled under her breath as she got settled. "Good, so I guess we can begin." Harry sighed. "I can't believe this is going to be our last session, you've been amazing Dr. Swan. You've helped me so much and I have such a fondness of you, You're a beautiful woman, inside and out. The man in your life is very lucky." The tall shiny black haired russet skin man complimented. Bella smiled sweetly. "Thank you Harry. Your wife is lucky herself to have you in her life. It isn't easy to ask for help and you did. You should be proud of yourself. You have really come a long way since we both sat down right here six months ago, and I believe you're ready, but if you ever want to come back my door is always open." Harry grinned widely as he looked Bella over. "I will always remember that. Always"

* * *

After a full morning of back to back patients and skipping lunch for an emergency session Bella was more than ready to get out of the office and go home. After familiarizing herself with her patients for the next day she sleepily made her way to the buildings parking lot where her car was parked. She found her car and put her things in the backseat and was startled when her phone rang, it gave her a second wind when she saw who was calling. "Hi honey, how's Delaware?"

"Eh.. It's business babe, nothing special, I was calling to see how your day went." she chuckled to herself as she got into the car. She loved this man with her entire heart, she loved how he would check on her when he was away it let her know that he missed her just as much as she missed him. "I'm just leaving the office and I'm going to stop at Lucky's and grab some take out and then I'm headed home to finish up my paperwork. Today was so hectic, I couldn't even grab lunch." she told him. "Hmm. Okay well I'm going to call you back a little later when I get back to my room, right now I have a meeting in the hotel restaurant, I will be turning off my phone but I want you to have the number to the restaurant just in case you need me."

Bella smiled to herself. "Okay what's the number?" she asked grabbing a pen from the glove compartment. She wrote the number on a folder she had in the front seat of the car and she put it in her brief case. They said their I love yous and good-byes and Bella was on her way. She stopped at Lucky's Chinese take-out on her way home just like she told James she would. She couldn't contain her excitement when she reached the house, she parked in the garage and she made sure she had her food and her brief case before locking the car door and making her way into the house. Upon entering the house she sat her food and her brief case on the black marble island in the kitchen and she slipped out of her shoes before walking to the freezer and talking out what was left of her chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. She grabbed a spoon before walking towards the living room. She grabbed the cordless phone off of the wall and checking the time she dialed a familiar number. It rang a few times before a woman answered. "And what do i owe the pleasure?" Bella laughed at her older sister Jessica's humor. "Hello to you too." Jessica laughed lightly. "Seriously though how are you honey? I haven't heard from you in a while. Have you called to tell me I'm going to be aunt Jessie?" she teased. Bella knew her sister hadn't meant to hurt her feelings but for her and James to had been trying to have a baby for a little over three months and nothing had happened yet made her think that something was wrong with her. Bella laughed it off. "No." she paused. "But i did call to see how my favorite sister was doing, James is out of town on business again and I have a little down time tonight, how was Mexico?" Jessica gasped in excitement. "It was amazing, Mike and I had such a great time, I just got the pictures back, if you want I'll come over tonight and I'll bring the pictures we can hang out like old times, Mike is working late and you know how much I hate being in this house at night alone." she shuddered. Bella smiled at the idea. "That'll be great. Stop by seven-eleven and get some ice cream, I'm all tapped out." she laughed. "You got it, I'll be there in about a half an hour."

"Okay I will see you when you get here." Jessica hung up and Bella made her way back to the kitchen to throw out the empty ice cream container. She paused when she heard a phone ringing in the distance and then she realized she didn't remember having her cell phone when she walked into the house. _'It must have fallen in the car.'_ she said to herself. She grabbed the car keys off of the island and opened the door to the garage. She screamed in fear to a man standing in the doorway. He had on a black hooded sweat shirt a cloth over his face that he immediately threw over hers. She shook with terror as the man poked her in the chest with a sharp object which she assumed to be a knife threatening her to shut up. He wrapped his thick hand around her neck and dragged her to the living room. Bella trembled with fear as she pleaded for her life. "You can have anything you want, but please, please let me live." she begged. He screamed again for her to shut up in a thick raspy voice as he threw her on the floor, with her back facing him, the sharp object nipped at her skin as he began to cut her clothing off of her and she realized his intent wasn't to rob her, his intent was to rape her. Her uncontrollable sobs stopped abruptly as he pushed her in the back and knocked all the air our of her lungs, she laid there... cold and half-naked on her living room floor, she went numb, as he held her down. She didn't scream for fear of what else he might do. All she could do was ask god _why_. _Why was this happening to her? _When he was finished with her he wrapped his big thick hands around her neck once more and he dragged her from room to room as he looked somewhere to stash her, finally he settled on a cabinet under the island in the kitchen. Bella waited what felt like forever before she crawled out of the cabinet, she was terrified that he might come back or even worse that he might still be in the house. As the tears that fell from her eyes blinded her sight she reached for her brief case and she threw everything out of it as she frantically searched for the number her fiancé had given her earlier. A loud sob escaped her lips as she heard a noise coming from the garage. She quickly jumped up and ran to the kitchen sink and pulled out a drawer of knives as she panicked. "Bella! Why is the garage door wide o-?" Jessica stopped in her tracks at the frail site of her sister. "Oh my god, Bella wha-" At that moment Bella dropped the knife in her hand and came unglued as she fell to her knees. "Someone broke in a raped me!" she sobbed. Jessica quickly shut and locked the door behind her before taking her sister in her arms. She reached for her cell phone and dialed 911, the police and an ambulance were there in a matter of minutes. Bella asked Jessica to stand in the doorway while she changed into a pair of James' sweatpants and her Harvard sweat shirt. The bottom half of her home was swarmed with police officers and there would be a detective waiting to talk to her at the hospital after her examination. At the hospital she was tested for sexually transmitted diseases, given a pregnancy test and a full work up. She was told to come back in thirty days for a pregnancy test. After her examination Bella and Sophia met with a Detective Anderson. "Hi Miss. Swan, I'm detective Anderson and this is my partner Detective Barry." Bella nodded waiting for the detective to continue. "I'm going to need you to tell me what happened." Tears fell from Bella's eyes once again and Jessica sympathetically took her little sister's hands in hers as she told them the details of her attack. When she was finished detective Barry spoke. "You are very lucky, usually when an attacker moves his victim from one room to the other, the motive is to kill them." with hearing that Bella broke into heavy sobs as Jessica wrapped her tightly into her arms, she didn't know what to do or what to feel she just wanted to go somewhere and take a shower, she wanted to wash all the filth she felt away, she wanted all the questions to stop and she wanted her fiancé.


	3. Back in Forks

I don't own anything. I will be jumping in time and years, there will be lots of flashbacks. You'll understand everything that is going of, and if not, if I confuse you please let me know I will try my best to execute things better,

Chapter two: Back in Forks

_"Are you ready honey?" James asked as he knocked on the bedroom door. He quietly slipped into the room and sighed to find it empty. As he went to walk out he heard quiet sobs coming from the bathroom. He made his way over and pushed the door open lightly just enough to reveal Bella sitting on the floor next to the bathtub with her face in her hands and her knees pulled to her chest. James quickly made his way to his fiancé's side and wrapped his lean arms protectively around her. He knew better than to ask what was wrong so instead he let her cry on his shoulder until she was ready to talk. James looked down at Bella's blotchy tear stained face as she tried to break free from his comforting embrace. Her stomach was in knots and she felt as if the weight of the entire world was on her shoulders. She just knew she'd never be the same again. That her and James… They'd never be the same again. "I can't do it." she managed to squeak in between her cries. James closed his eyes tightly as he drew in a deep breath. "What if- What if…What if it's our baby?" she asked as she looked up at him. "I can't do it James. I just… it's still a baby. MY baby." she choked out. James cradled Bella in his arms as he rubbed her back soothingly trying to calm her down. He sighed again, "You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do honey. It's our baby." His words caused Bella's sobs to stop abruptly. She stared at him through her tears and sighed a breath of relief. "I'd do anything for you… You, know that right?" he asked her. "We'll get through this together."_

Bella shook her head as tears began to make their way down her face. _Yeah… he'd do anything except stay. _She took in a deep breath as she got out of the car. She didn't need Charlie asking anymore questions than usual. He was the chief of police after all and she wasn't sure it was worth lying about anyway. It had been almost a year, since that day that James who was then the most important person in her life had sat in her face and lied to her, told her that everything would be okay, and here she was now with a two and a half month old baby boy. She'd never forget the day he came into her life. It was the day he had left them and the day she stopped caring about everyone and everything else except her Jacob. In a way Bella was glad, she and Jake needed a new start and why not go back to the place where she had grown up, to a father that loved her unconditionally, where she felt most comfortable. Her father had been waiting with open arms. Before Bella could reach the door of the old rustic house the door flew open to reveal her smiling father. He genuinely looked happy to see her. His thick head of hair wasn't the beautiful milk chocolate brown it had been years before but now he wore a salt and pepper look, he looked so refined and handsome even with the new wrinkles she could see that had appeared around his eyes and mouth, and she couldn't help but notice that his upper body looked a little toner than the last time she saw him, and she was happy to see that he looked very well rested. "Bells…" Charlie crooned.

Bella sighed softly as a smiled appeared on her face. "Hi dad."

"Come here." Charlie softly demanded as he held out his arms for her. Bella wrapped her free arm around her father's waist as he enveloped her in a tight hug. Once in the house Bella gently sat the baby carrier on the coffee table in the living room. She removed the baby blue blanket that was covering him and her tiny boy laid there sleeping with his tiny hands in tiny fist as he cooed in his sleep. "Ahh look at 'em Bell's, he's a handsome lil man, looks just like his grandpa!" Charlie boasted. Bella playfully rolled her eyes and scoffed at her father's statement. "He's got my eyes!" he beamed. Bella laughed nervously as she took a few bottles from the diaper bag and disappeared into the kitchen. "Dad his eyes are closed."

"No they aren't he's awake and he's beautiful." Charlie said shaking his head in awe at the sight of his grandson. Bella walked in the room just in time to see Charlie pick the baby up and cradle him in his arms. She melted at the sight. "Correction dad," Bella said breaking Charlie's concentration from the baby back to her. "He's got my eyes." she teased. Charlie smiled at his grandson as he looked him straight in the eyes as he opened his tiny arms and stretched to yawn. Bella couldn't help but smile as she closed the remaining distance between her and her father by sitting next to him on the couch. Charlie reluctantly handed her the brown skinned baby, not wanting to let him go. He watched his daughter while she effortlessly cradled the baby in her arms and feed him his bottle. "I hope you don't mind us staying for awhile, I don't want to put you out or anything." Bella said breaking the silence. "Oh please, I could use the company around here. You can stay as long as you want." Charlie informed his daughter. Bella nodded. "Thanks dad." Charlie sighed. "Now, I don't mean to leave you here alone, I know you just got back but I have to go into the station, will you be okay for a little while?"

"Yes dad I will be fine." Charlie nodded as he grabbed his coat from the coat rack next to the front door. "There is plenty of food in the cabinets, I went shopping before you came, and your old room is all set up for you, an-"

"Dad…" Bella interrupted. "I'll be fine." Bella laughed. She got up from her seat on the couch with Jacob in her arms and began to burp him as she walked over to her father. Charlie stared at his daughter in admiration for a second before a crooked smile formed on his face. "What?" Bella giggled uneasily. "I'm glad to have you back home…" he paused as his eyes darted to his feet. "And I'm so sorry that I couldn't be there for you when you needed me." Bella shushed her father as she grabbed a hold of his hand. She sighed. "I'm fine, and everything is okay now." Charlie sighed deeply as he looked back up at Bella. "Okay then… I'll see you later." Charlie bent down and kissed the top of Jacob's head and then the cheek of his daughter and disappeared out the front door. Once Bella heard the cruiser drive away she turned around to face the living room. It looked exactly the same it did when she had left for college. Charlie wasn't big on change. She looked down at the baby boy in her arms and smiled. "Welcome to our new home Jacob." Jacob's big brown eyes stared back at her and she felt herself become a puddle of gooey mess. She had no idea that she could love someone so much, she also couldn't understand how anyone _couldn't_ love him. but she found out quickly the day he had been born how just one look could change her life forever.

_Bella groggily opened her eyes as she stirred in the hospital bed. When she was finally able to open her eyes completely the sight of James calmed her overwhelming fear when she thought she was alone. "James…" she cried out weakly. James stood up from the wooden chair he had been sitting in at her bedside. He leaned over Bella and she reached for his hand. "You're finally awake." he started simply. Bella tried her best to nod her head. "Where is he? Have you seen him?" she asked. James nodded slowly with his eyes cast down. "Well where is he? I- I wanna see him."_

_"Bella, there's something you should know first." he said somberly. Bella perched herself up on the pillows behind her, the tone in his voice and the unpleasant look on his face alarmed her. What was wrong with their baby? Did he make it? "James… What's wrong?"_

_"Oh... Miss Swan, you're awake." a woman's pleasant voice interrupted. Bella turned to look in the doorway where a nurse stood. "Are you feeling okay?" the nurse asked while walking over to Bella's bedside. Bella shook her head no. "Where is my baby?" She asked. The nurse smiled. "Oh would you like to see him?"_

_"Is he alright?" Bella asked. "Oh Miss Swan he's just perfect." The nurse gushed. "He just ate so you'll have a nice full baby." She said patting Bella's hand reassuringly. Bella smiled as she looked over at James, but her smile quickly faded when James began to speak. "Bella, I have to tell you something."_

_"James…-"_  
_"I need you to just listen."_

_Bella's forehead wrinkled in confusion as she sat impatiently with her hands folded in her lap as James continued. "I know we said that we wouldn't get a DNA test done, that we didn't want to know if… well if the baby was mine or not-"_

_"James, no you didn't, you promised." Bella cried hoarsely as tears began to fall from her eyes._

_"I didn't have to."_

_"Then I don't under-"_

_"Here we go Miss Swan." The nurse interrupted again as she wheeled the baby over to Bella. He was wrapped in a light blue cotton blanket, and a white cotton hat. The nurse lift him out of his bassinet and placed him in Bella's arms. "If you need anything just press that button right there on the side of your bed." The nurse told Bella before exiting the room. Bella could see James in the corner of her eye as he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. She looked down at the tiny baby in her arms and as on cue he opened his eyes and looked at her with his deep chocolate eyes identical to her own and she couldn't help the smile that formed on her face. Tears began to well up in her eyes at that moment. She felt like time had froze and they were the only two people in the world. He Didn't look like her, but she felt a connection to him that she would never be able to explain, his eyes pierced her soul and when his tiny hand wrapped around her finger her heart was no longer her own, but it was his. With just that one look. She sighed as she slowly turned her head from the baby boy in her arms and looked over at James. James sighed deeply. "He's not mine."_

_Bella cringed at his words as she turned her head back to her son. She pulled the tiny white hat off of his head to reveal his soft raven colored hair that went perfectly with his beautiful soft brown skin. "I can't love him, would you even be able to love him? Look at him Bella, every time you look at him you'll be reminded of what-" James sighed again. "He's black Bella, people are going to talk, you can't keep him."_

_"He isn't yours." She said still looking at the baby in her arms. "But he's still mine." she told James as her voice cracked. She sighed heavily to control her tears. She swallowed thickly and continued. "And yeah what happened to me, it was the worst experience of my life, but…-"_

_"Do you honestly want a child that badly? That you would raise your rapist baby!" James screamed at her._

_Bella shut her eyes tightly as she cradled the tiny baby in her arms. "Bella look at me." Bella shook her head no with her eyes still closed tightly. She felt a shadow cast over her and the bed shift beneath her. "Bella, Don't make things harder than they have to be." He said to her in a calmer tone. Bella opened her eyes slowly as she began a quiet sob. "He's still a part of me James, I carried him for nine months."_

_"I won't do it Bella, I'm sorry."_

_"Then leave." she said quietly. "Just go."_

_"You're not thinking clearly."_

_"I'm thinking just fine! Just get out, go!" she cried._

_"Bella, If I walk out of here." He paused as tears began to well up in his eyes. "I'm not coming back."_

_Bella sniffled as she cried uncontrollably with her son in her arms. As her cries subsided and she regained her composure she spoke calmly and softly. To James. "You can tell people whatever you want. You can tell them that I cheated on you, and that's why you left me, you don't have to be the bad guy in this."_

_James scoffed as he scowled at Bella. "I'm not the bad guy Bella…" He gestured to the baby. "His father is." he said before walking out the hospital room._

Jacob's crying interrupted her thoughts. She grabbed his baby bag and proceeded to walk up the stairs to her old bedroom. Upon entering she found a crib in the corner of the room. It wasn't new, it actually looked a little old but she could tell it had been recently painted. It had light blur bedding with picture of a giraffe on it. She smiled to herself when she thought about what her father had done. At that moment she felt like she was finally home. She felt safe, and she hoped Jacob did too. This was the start of a new chapter in her life and she wasn't going to feel sorry for herself, she would be strong, not just for herself but for her son.

"We can do this right?" she asked smiling down at her baby boy. She sighed contently. "We can do this."


End file.
